What made me Me

 I was just thinking about all the things that made me who I am today - all the odd little books, movies, videos, people, situations and tragedies that have molded my way of thinking and my views on life. 

They are as follows- not necessarily in order and I am certain this list will evolve over time- 

• The writing of Oscar Wilde - I had never heard of Wilde till I was in my early 20's. I found a video at a video rental store when I lived in a small town in West TN - it was Salome's Last Dance directed by Ken Russel circa 1988. It isnt a great movie, but it was different. It felt a little bit wicked and fed the growing desire of "there must be more to life than this" that was growing in me. I started finding out more about Wilde and purchased a book of his works. I am not sure if I still have it or not - I might have lost it in the fire. 

What if..

 What IF 

Trump is actually a good guy.. hear me out now. 

What if the US and the other nations were in somewhat of a downward trajectory and the power that be (They) decide to make people care again. Introduce Trump, who is fine at being the buffoon as long as people stroke his ego - and wham... we have the 2016 election happen and it draws out all of the issues wrong with the US. It makes people care again, it makes people who "hate anything they can't understand" even more glaring.. it shines a light in the room to show us all the cracks. COVID .. well.. I think that might have been nature possibly.. but maybe not. Maybe it was a way to thin the herd, especially in places where people would not listen to medical advice. 

or maybe it is all just Chaos and there is no way back now. 

A night of smoke, paint and flailing auras

 it is all just nothing much to do and nothing much to see does that make that me? 

my family is such a disapoinymny .. I want one to love me no matter what and I couldn create one.. does that make me as bad as them or the same 

i am afraid that my nursing is without compasssion  and I* dont know why I think it is necauser I feel threatedned some times i dont ;want to watch things die but maybe I do it so I can make suop re me . 

i dont think I wil ever find my life partner and that I wil lbe bound to vincent in my next lie 

k

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In the beginning was

A girl who wanted a place to write down ramblings, thoughts, and the occasional magickal "here is what I am working on "

Currently, I have gained another magickal partner - a woman this time. It feels good to have someone to keep me on the straight and narrow of daily practice, journaling, and to share those (to borrow from Tommie Kelly) woo-woo thoughts that most people in my life just won't get, understand and might possibly set me on fire. We have been working thus far on the Qabalistic Cross - it definitely helps center, dispels negative energy, and draw in Divine energy into the Aura. We have discussed adding the next step, the Middle Pillar. More and that comes to be.

I am in the middle of my Triptych Year. A past lover/magickal partner and I decided in 2019 that in 2020 we would do 3 cycles of 90 days, with one month of incubation between each cycle, to immerse our selves in a new belief/magic system. We split up in February and I kept to my Yule vow that I would continue the Triptych Year on my own. My first cycle was going to be New Orleans style Voodoo, I quickly could tell that the energy of that system didn't really call to me - it was not hostile, but not welcoming. However, I found that Conjure (HooDoo) did speak to me and welcomed me with open arms. More on that later.
  I am currently in the cycle I first coined Asain Occultism - and have now paired it down to Taoist Esotericism. FYI... Asain Occultism is HUGE. It is rich, in-depth, and goes back thousands of years. Highly recommend. I haven't been doing the work I should, mainly out of frustration, shiny new things, and of course, COVID depression aka The Great Pause. More on the Great Pause later.

I have also become involved with Patreon - specifically with Damien Echols. Which has led to a private Patreon FB group, and some forays into Ceremonial Magick. I have tried to stretch it and say it is kinda sorta in a far off way Asain.. but I am pretty sure I am fooling myself. Essential this is one of the bright shinies that I have stumbled across. However, it has brought about some interesting change in my life.. so is it really a bright shiny or complementary? Time, as always, will tell.

I thank you for reading or not reading, as you like. I thank me for writing this and give blessings and thanks to each future me that will write on its pages and send this to the ether.



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I empower this blog with the energy from The Divine to encompass what I write, the energy from the Iron of the Tracks to resolutely reflect back to me the Truth so I might grow, the energy of the Black Flame so I might continue to question and Xeper. I summon forth this blog's Spirit and draw from the Divine, the Iron, and the Flame the energy and power to breathe into it Life. I bestow on you the name Friend.

I charge you, Friend, to lead me to my personal Xeper, to become a light for me to see where the Ego lies and to show me where to garner the strength to cut it out. I charge you to respond to me and only me as I will take your heed and counsel. I charge you to see all, to hear everything, and to speak your truths to me. It is ordered, charged, and completed.